Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Looking back at time and reminisce those days where we would just
chill by the skatepark or somewhere soothing in town, makes me feel
like I've lost someone very important in my life. Still remember the
first day that we actually met on 24th of November vividly like it
was just yesterday and it seems like...you are totally gone.
I've been waiting for you to actually even drop me a text but I
barely even receive a reply back.
It seems like you are having a good time from what I can notice,
so I promised myself not to get into your way, no matter how much
Im dying to just kick it like the old times.
I've actually feel like I've lost someone that had so much in common
with me and we used to do those things together. Like chilling on the
rooftop garden, walking aimlessly around town and we would also stood
dumbfounded in the middle of no where because we had no idea what to
do or where to go. And our solution was always by using coin. Haha
Good times that I actually really cherish.
But of course, good things always have to come to an end. I know
I was going to lose you when you mentioned that you were going to
start working in a studio. I didnt tell you because I didnt want
you to feel the way like I felt and also I didnt want to believe
myself. And you told me that you wont ever leave the zone but it
seems like you do, So I kept waiting and waiting. But it's all
clear now, and I guess I was right, truth hurts..So much for
getting my hopes up. We're drifting apart, it hurts for me
to know that we have to go our separate ways, but there's nothing
i can do i guess.
I know you're happy with your life right now and so I wont ever
get in between you and your dream. I know you are doing good
right now and keep doing you. Keep smiling.
I actually..really do love you so much but of course, who would
want such an imperfect person like me isnt it. And I'm sure that
Im nothing to you...at all.
The feeling of losing few friends is really haunting me right now
and Im afraid. Maybe im really destined to be alone in this life.
Maybe I'm just over-thinking..but maybe not?
I dont know...But Im just afraid.
To lose someone close..over again.
As Wide As I Smile On The Outside, Knowing You Are Doing Good...Im Hurt Inside
Sunday, September 18, 2011
This is how im kinda feeling.
Kinda confused with myself..
Sometimes i feel like I got hella lots of friends then the next moment
I feel like there's nobody. Kinda confused with myself.
Maybe because of my previous relationship. I used to push everyone aside
just to be with her, but now when its over, I feel like im all alone and
its hard for me to get over her. Plus, everyone around me already have their
significant other and I cant keep always be with them because they have their
Maybe its true, to forget someone, you need someone new.
Maybe its right. But im kinda afraid of relationships again but then, I cant
get over it. I know whats past is past and I keep telling people this. I think
I should take my own advise. But....
Okay F it. I gotta stop being such a lil pussy and stop complaining.
I just need someone close from the opposite sex you know, like we can
share about stuffs, share common interests and things like that.
Im kinda scared to ask my friends to follow me to the beach
or somewhere calm with me, Im afraid that they might think its boring
and stuff. But since my buddy got into NS, I've been kinda down, eventho
I dont seem like it. But who the hell would even try to find out whats
actually deep down.
He's the only one that I could just sit down by the beach and not talk
for hours, He's the only one that we could spend endless time under the
void deck and talk rubbish, He's the only one that, I could show my true
colors to. Still remember those times when we would wake up early in the
morning after dawn prayers and just walk by the beach together. Just
stare at the sky. Just us two. At one point, we get so close that I feel
like he is actually my blood brother and at that point, my mom even ask me
if I was gay. HAHAHAHA :')
It was sad that he had to do his NS now and I felt like, I've lost a family member.
All those time that we went holiday together and it felt like, I have someone
to relate to. I just cant wait to meet him when he book out. I actually cried
when he went into camp. ):
Dont get me wrong, I have few close friends but he's the one thats been there
with me during my hard times. He's the one that would listen to me about my
relationships and stuff. Like, I dont have to be shy if I need to cry in front
of him, I wouldnt give a damn if people think we're gay, I would hug him in front
of everyone in town if I had too. I just...miss him.
I cant find anyone that I could go somewhere with a nice scenery to just, kick back and chill until late night.
I've been out to places with no fresh air and busy streets too much.
I just feel like I need to getaway from these busy streets and just
lay back once in awhile. But I just dont know who to bring with.
Most of my friends would think that what I do is boring.
I would call it, appreciating nature's beauty (:
I just need someone new to make me forget about things that's been
running thru my mind about the past. It sucks.
I need to set my heart and mind free once again. I need someone.
Dear God, Please Send Me Someone That Would Make This Weak Seed, Stand On
His Feet Once Again. I Just Need A Partner.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Its been awhile, and I just wanna get somethings off my chest and the only place that I know I can come to is this, my very own digital self.
Its better to feel like im talking to myself rather than keeping shit up and feeling all types bullshit nonsense.
Recently, I felt like I've lost myself, like I dont know who I am anymore.
I dont know who's my real friends, I dont know who to trust anymore.
Some homies came and went, some stayed with me and Im just waiting for those gone homies to come back.
Been busy lately and havent get the time to catch up with my homies. And i miss em badly!
Anyway life's still aight, Up and Downs here and there but its all good.
Whats worst than to see someone you love holding hands with another person in front of your eyes? Pretending you're fine on the outside.
Friday, February 11, 2011
I guess its time for me to wake up and realize that my dreams
are just not possible.
Plus I need to move on too cause nobody stayed behind with me when I did
and now Im all alone in the zone.
It used to be like few homies together making plans and stuff but usually
only one in a pair makes it and the other, have to sacrifice.
As for me, I became the sacrificial piece and waited for my homies to return,
but none of them did. Maybe not yet, Maybe not at all..
Its like Im still at the zone, not moving at all while everybody is
thousands of miles away from me, reaching their goals and destinations
but Im still right at the zone, dreaming and doing nothing.
I had to sacrifice myself being alone and watching my homies doing
what they had dreamed doing since young.
Its not that I dislike or anything. I am proud of them,
Really really proud, but at the same time, I just hate myself for not being
able to reach mine.
So I guess its time I move on and leave my so called rap dreams and writing lyrics
and all those stuff that Im actually good at.
Its just not possible...
Its about time that I really plan well for my future and concentrate on my
up coming school..get good grades..and hopefully I'll become a doctor.
I guess I just have to sacrifice the good times we used to have tho,
but its alright. As long as you're happy doing your thang, Im happy too.
That's For Sure (:
But Im not really sure if I can ever live my life without doing all those stuff
I love to do..cause its the only way I actually feel like Im talking to someone
when I really need it..
But yeahh I hope its gonna be aight..
Keep doing your thang, Dont worry bout me, Dont look back. But whenever you need me, I'll be right there..Cause there's nothing more important to me than friendship
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Hahahahaha Its been so freaking longgg since I last visited this page.
Decided to do a revisit cause I made a deal with one of my Homegirl that if
I update this century old page, she would update hers.
So yeahhh since I had nothing much to do, why not drop by and say a lil wassup
to the people...on a second thought, I think theres nobody even reading this page.
So whats up lately?
Been doing contest after contest on youtube but none seems to be successful.
But hell Im not even a thousand mile close to giving up.
Im sure this is just the beginning and theres alot more that I have to go thru
before I could reach the level that I wanted to be..yaknowhatimsayin.
So yeah I'll be doing more contests. The only things stopping me is the equipments.
Soooooo wanna buy new ones so the quality wont have the freaking crispy sound.
So freaking hate thatttt but on the other note, Im still doing me.
Other than that,
Im freaking damn bored waiting for the job to call us back.
Feel like tearing out every cell of my skin!
I Need Moneyyy!$!$!$!$!$!$!$!$!$!$!
Im so bored..
Oh yeahhh that picture is from the movie How High
and I still havent watched it till finish yetttt!!
Stupid MegaVideo time limit.
SO YEAH I UPDATED MINE!!
SO ITS YOUR TURN NOW!! HA HA!!
Sometimes I hate myself for encouraging you to pursue your dreams but at the same time, Im proud of you
Thursday, May 20, 2010
You know im always shit serious about friendship problems especially when shit goes down.
It hurts to see your friend/homeboys/homegirls get caught up in a net and you are just helpless...and every time it does, i feel like i wasnt even there for them, you know.
Its like im trying to catch them fall from far but my hands wont extend far enough to reach them and i feel guilty cause what sort of a friend am i if i wasnt even there to catch them you know. Especially when you already promised them that you'll always be there but you're not.
Still remember when i used to be by her side like almost 24/7 but now im not.
Those were the times..
But still you can always talk to me if anything went wrong even when i might not be there to lend you my shoulders for you to lean and cry on.
I could always lend you my ears for you to vent on cause thats the next best thing for me to help you to get out of your minor sufferings at least.
So i wanna say sorry for not being your wings when you needed the most
Im sorry for not being there when you needed a friend most
Im sorry for not being able to wipe away those tears
Im sorry for not being able to fight your nightmares away
But still im always available for you to vent your anger on baby.
Monday, February 8, 2010