Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Looking back at time and reminisce those days where we would just
chill by the skatepark or somewhere soothing in town, makes me feel
like I've lost someone very important in my life. Still remember the
first day that we actually met on 24th of November vividly like it
was just yesterday and it seems like...you are totally gone.
I've been waiting for you to actually even drop me a text but I
barely even receive a reply back.
It seems like you are having a good time from what I can notice,
so I promised myself not to get into your way, no matter how much
Im dying to just kick it like the old times.
I've actually feel like I've lost someone that had so much in common
with me and we used to do those things together. Like chilling on the
rooftop garden, walking aimlessly around town and we would also stood
dumbfounded in the middle of no where because we had no idea what to
do or where to go. And our solution was always by using coin. Haha
Good times that I actually really cherish.
But of course, good things always have to come to an end. I know
I was going to lose you when you mentioned that you were going to
start working in a studio. I didnt tell you because I didnt want
you to feel the way like I felt and also I didnt want to believe
myself. And you told me that you wont ever leave the zone but it
seems like you do, So I kept waiting and waiting. But it's all
clear now, and I guess I was right, truth hurts..So much for
getting my hopes up. We're drifting apart, it hurts for me
to know that we have to go our separate ways, but there's nothing
i can do i guess.
I know you're happy with your life right now and so I wont ever
get in between you and your dream. I know you are doing good
right now and keep doing you. Keep smiling.
I actually..really do love you so much but of course, who would
want such an imperfect person like me isnt it. And I'm sure that
Im nothing to you...at all.
The feeling of losing few friends is really haunting me right now
and Im afraid. Maybe im really destined to be alone in this life.
Maybe I'm just over-thinking..but maybe not?
I dont know...But Im just afraid.
To lose someone close..over again.
As Wide As I Smile On The Outside, Knowing You Are Doing Good...Im Hurt Inside
11:40 AM
Sunday, September 18, 2011
This is how im kinda feeling.
Kinda confused with myself..
Sometimes i feel like I got hella lots of friends then the next moment
I feel like there's nobody. Kinda confused with myself.
Maybe because of my previous relationship. I used to push everyone aside
just to be with her, but now when its over, I feel like im all alone and
its hard for me to get over her. Plus, everyone around me already have their
significant other and I cant keep always be with them because they have their
lives.
Maybe its true, to forget someone, you need someone new.
Maybe its right. But im kinda afraid of relationships again but then, I cant
get over it. I know whats past is past and I keep telling people this. I think
I should take my own advise. But....
Okay F it. I gotta stop being such a lil pussy and stop complaining.
I just need someone close from the opposite sex you know, like we can
share about stuffs, share common interests and things like that.
Im kinda scared to ask my friends to follow me to the beach
or somewhere calm with me, Im afraid that they might think its boring
and stuff. But since my buddy got into NS, I've been kinda down, eventho
I dont seem like it. But who the hell would even try to find out whats
actually deep down.
He's the only one that I could just sit down by the beach and not talk
for hours, He's the only one that we could spend endless time under the
void deck and talk rubbish, He's the only one that, I could show my true
colors to. Still remember those times when we would wake up early in the
morning after dawn prayers and just walk by the beach together. Just
stare at the sky. Just us two. At one point, we get so close that I feel
like he is actually my blood brother and at that point, my mom even ask me
if I was gay. HAHAHAHA :')
It was sad that he had to do his NS now and I felt like, I've lost a family member.
All those time that we went holiday together and it felt like, I have someone
to relate to. I just cant wait to meet him when he book out. I actually cried
when he went into camp. ):
Dont get me wrong, I have few close friends but he's the one thats been there
with me during my hard times. He's the one that would listen to me about my
relationships and stuff. Like, I dont have to be shy if I need to cry in front
of him, I wouldnt give a damn if people think we're gay, I would hug him in front
of everyone in town if I had too. I just...miss him.
I cant find anyone that I could go somewhere with a nice scenery to just, kick back and chill until late night.
I've been out to places with no fresh air and busy streets too much.
I just feel like I need to getaway from these busy streets and just
lay back once in awhile. But I just dont know who to bring with.
Most of my friends would think that what I do is boring.
I would call it, appreciating nature's beauty (:
I just need someone new to make me forget about things that's been
running thru my mind about the past. It sucks.
I need to set my heart and mind free once again. I need someone.
Dear God, Please Send Me Someone That Would Make This Weak Seed, Stand On
His Feet Once Again. I Just Need A Partner.
7:59 AM
