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Sunday, September 18, 2011

This is how im kinda feeling.


Kinda confused with myself..
Sometimes i feel like I got hella lots of friends then the next moment
I feel like there's nobody. Kinda confused with myself.
Maybe because of my previous relationship. I used to push everyone aside
just to be with her, but now when its over, I feel like im all alone and
its hard for me to get over her. Plus, everyone around me already have their
significant other and I cant keep always be with them because they have their
lives.
Maybe its true, to forget someone, you need someone new.
Maybe its right. But im kinda afraid of relationships again but then, I cant
get over it. I know whats past is past and I keep telling people this. I think
I should take my own advise. But....

Okay F it. I gotta stop being such a lil pussy and stop complaining.
I just need someone close from the opposite sex you know, like we can
share about stuffs, share common interests and things like that.
Im kinda scared to ask my friends to follow me to the beach
or somewhere calm with me, Im afraid that they might think its boring
and stuff. But since my buddy got into NS, I've been kinda down, eventho
I dont seem like it. But who the hell would even try to find out whats
actually deep down.

He's the only one that I could just sit down by the beach and not talk
for hours, He's the only one that we could spend endless time under the
void deck and talk rubbish, He's the only one that, I could show my true
colors to. Still remember those times when we would wake up early in the
morning after dawn prayers and just walk by the beach together. Just
stare at the sky. Just us two. At one point, we get so close that I feel
like he is actually my blood brother and at that point, my mom even ask me
if I was gay. HAHAHAHA :')

It was sad that he had to do his NS now and I felt like, I've lost a family member.
All those time that we went holiday together and it felt like, I have someone
to relate to. I just cant wait to meet him when he book out. I actually cried
when he went into camp. ):

Dont get me wrong, I have few close friends but he's the one thats been there
with me during my hard times. He's the one that would listen to me about my
relationships and stuff. Like, I dont have to be shy if I need to cry in front
of him, I wouldnt give a damn if people think we're gay, I would hug him in front
of everyone in town if I had too. I just...miss him.

I cant find anyone that I could go somewhere with a nice scenery to just, kick back and chill until late night.

I've been out to places with no fresh air and busy streets too much.
I just feel like I need to getaway from these busy streets and just
lay back once in awhile. But I just dont know who to bring with.
Most of my friends would think that what I do is boring.
I would call it, appreciating nature's beauty (:

I just need someone new to make me forget about things that's been
running thru my mind about the past. It sucks.

I need to set my heart and mind free once again. I need someone.

Dear God, Please Send Me Someone That Would Make This Weak Seed, Stand On
His Feet Once Again. I Just Need A Partner.

7:59 AM


 
I'M ME



Maddie
Rythem and Poetry.
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BENEATH

I don't look for fights.
I don't smoke.
I don't drink alcohol.
I'm not tryna hate.
I don't sell drugs.
I don't walk around with guns.

I like C-Walkin.
I like writin rhymes.
I like listenin to music.
I like to eat.
I like to sleep.
I like long relationships.

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